• Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Categories
    Categories Displays a list of categories from this blog.
  • Tags
    Tags Displays a list of tags that have been used in the blog.
  • Bloggers
    Bloggers Search for your favorite blogger from this site.
  • Team Blogs
    Team Blogs Find your favorite team blogs here.
  • Archives
    Archives Contains a list of blog posts that were created previously.
  • Login
    Login Login form

How to Split Your Church (from Illiana Classis)

Posted by on in Revitalization
  • Font size:LargerSmaller
  • Hits: 8223
  • Print

How to Split Your Church


Let’s call it job security. Since a part of my ministry involves helping people, especially pastors, through conflict issues, let me tell you some ways to split your church. The following plan, reprinted from Love In Action: Healing Conflict in Your Church (Robert Moeller, Multnomah Books, 1994), if followed carefully, will result in far more work than I could possibly want.


Step One Focus exclusively on your own desires. Insist your viewpoint is the only one permissible when it comes to minor matters. Refuse to listen, and attack others with a judgmental heart. It will pay off!


Step Two Listen to every criticism. Give credence to every rumor, story or criticism you hear. Keep circulating the story without verifying its accuracy.


Step Three Focus on your pastor’s weaknesses, not his strengths. Target him for discussion and continual criticism. Point out all that he does wrong in a given week.


Step Four Speak the truth or practice love, but never combine the two. Churches that stress love to the exclusion of speaking the truth will eventually collapse under the weight of unaddressed problems.And in churches where people pound hard on the truth but fail to see the value of compassion, members will eventually devour each other.


Step Five Store grievances for future use. Encourage people to harbor secret resentments against one another. The longer individuals store their grievances, the more powerful they become.


Step Six Forgive only those who ask you to do so, and only if they deserve it. Demand that others beg for your pardon, requiring them to prove they deserve it. Never forgive, never forget. It’s foolproof!


Step Seven Hide your own sins behind harsh attitudes. Take precious truths, wrap them in legalistic behavior and harsh attitudes, and then whip your opponents with them. This will not only give the infidels what they deserve, it will also silence the convicting voice of God in your own life.


Step Eight Use prayer to unite discontented individuals (and spread inappropriate information). To recruit others to your cause and yet give the appearance that you are a spiritually concerned and mature believer, start a prayer meeting in your home as a cover to complain about people in the church. In stating your request:

1. Share information no one else in the room has any right to know;

2. Discuss details that can’t be immediately verified or denied;

3. Reveal just enough facts to leave a questionable impression of another person’s character.


Step Nine Do whatever you have to, to win. “Total War” is using every means available, regardless of how ruthless or immoral, to defeat your opponent. You can’t find scripture to justify total war in the church, but if you’re willing to ignore certain passages and take others out of context…


Step Ten Remember, you are on a mission from God! The final step in splitting a church is to declare that you are taking divisive steps because God told you to do so. If you claim a special directive from heaven, you can effectively remove yourself from all accountability. Who would dare question God?

Add comment
  • No comments found
Go to top